So, how can we teach our little ones to be in touch with their feelings and the actions that are results of those feelings? Well, it won't be easy that's for sure. We do have to try though. Here is my suggestion at a starting point.
ASK. Parents, in that moment of tantrum, crying, screaming, legs thrashing, or even just meanest look in the whole wide world, we must seek out all the mercy within us and stop to ask them. Ask them what is going on. Ask like we care, not like we are full of sarcasm. (I am notorious for sarcasm, by the way.) If we sit back, remain calm (especially if this exercise is at home), and then ask them what they are upset about, they will probably go into a state of shock. I know my little girl did... They will eventually see that their tantrum is not making us move any kind of quick. Their tantrum will be useless to them.
SHARE. After all, we have been upset before, right? Depending on your child's age and understanding of course, couldn't we try to relate with them? Isn't that all we humans really want? I've said to her, "I felt so angry yesterday when that person drove their car too fast in front of me. Mommy knows how it feels to be angry." Reach out, hold her hand, tell him you've been there too.
DECIDE. "When that person drove their car in front of me, I had to decide how to act. I decided that I should sit back and let them go." We need to help them understand how to react to things. Sure, we have to tell them with words, but we all know that they see everything. Their reactions will eventually mimic ours. After I started telling Olivia that she decides how to react, she sometimes says out loud, "I am not going to be angry now." No, she does not completely get it, but I can see that the curtains are lifting.
I sure hope you can relate to this and that you see that me and my family have a lot of work to do. Sometimes as I share things with you, I must admit it feels a little weird. I mean, I can type anything I want! We could be the perfect family, with all happy moments, no goof-ups, no discomfort whatsoever! That is not real though. Reality is bumps along the way. Learning to see the beauty in those bumps is the part where Christ comes in and lifts up. His plan helps us parents see through the blurriness that is raising children. They are wonderful, but they have to be lead and trained. The verse we all know and love rings true in this moment:
