I see you growing but not 4 years worth! When you stand beside me, you are up to my lower ribcage...will you be taller than me? You will be like your daddy in height. I wondered when you were a ball in my arms, cooing and wailing too, what kind of heart you would have. I thought about how you would talk, what you would look like, what your favorite color would be.
I wondered if I could even do this mom thing. Even though I have moments where my gas tank is on empty, I know God planned you for us to raise. I now get to see sweet memories already made, fun laughter, painful scrapes, your tongue sticking out like mine when you try to write...
Four years leaves me begging for more. Just seeing what you decide to do, the choices you make each day. Others are having babies all around me, and I pray for a brother or sister for you. But I want you to know, all we have is today. If we can find our peace in our Heavenly Father, not in this world, for just this one day, we will make it. You will make it.
I am your mother. I will never dishonor you or purposefully make you feel unloved. I will stand up for you when someone is making a moment to hurt you. I will embrace your sensitivity. I will take steps with you to teach you Jesus every single day I can breathe. I will make sure you have food to eat, clothes to wear as best as I can. I will put down my dish towel and play dolls. I will read to you before you fall asleep. I will hang your artwork on my refrigerator. I will teach you to the best of my ability, learning alongside you at home. I will protect your eyes and ears. I will do things that you don't understand right now, building a precious cover around your heart to not let it be trampled before you understand. I will be over-cautious for you. I will look out for things around you so that you don't always have to. I will put ice in your water cause I know you love that. I will let you ride in the car buggy at the grocery store when I have not the energy left to push that thing...
I will love you, but I will fail you.
Snuggle bunny. There is not an earthly one who will not fail you. You will love and be loved by humans and you should, but you are a child of the KING. I pray you do not walk in my footsteps, seeking earthly substitutes for His love. Nobody will do. Yet, abiding in Him will teach YOU how to truly love. You will grow up knowing a very special secret. How to truly love, even if you don't feel you have it in you. He has it.
Let's watch you blow out those candles. 4 big candles! I rejoice in your birthday, thanking my God for my priceless blessing. Each day that goes by, I am learning your life is more of a blessing than I ever imagined.
Love entirely,
Your Momma
